How I Would Hold You
by Meg0613
Summary: My follow up to Blackout (4.12).


How I Would Hold You

My Follow up to Blackout, I have watched that scene in her office so many times and I fall more in love with it each time. Thank you James Duff for your beautiful work and letting us play with your characters.

"Just make it to the car. You can fall apart when you get to the car." Sharon told herself over and over again as she made her way out of the PAB, through the parking garage and to her car. Falling apart was not something Sharon Raydor did often, as a single mother and police officer it simply wasn't a luxury that she had ever had time for. Even when Jack would leave she didn't fall apart, there wasn't time for it at first, then after a while she became numb to it. Last year after Christmas when Jack had shown up drunk offering her gambling money she hadn't even let herself fall apart. Today though she was done, she could feel the weight of the last few weeks bearing down on her and it was beginning to feel like it might crush her.

The moment she closed the car door she felt the tears fall from her eyes. Then she found herself angry that Jack had been the one to break her. "Damn it." She said through her tears. After all of these years he was still manipulating the people around her to get what he wanted. This time it had been Emily, she didn't know what he said to her but somehow he had gotten the information from her about Andy and had used it against her to try and drive a wedge between Sharon and her team. He had not succeeded but still it was another mess of Jack's she had to clean up. Sharon wiped her eyes determined that Jack's latest display would take no more of her time or energy, except she had to go home and tell Andy about it.

"Go home and tell Andy", she let those words run over in her head for a minute. Andy was at her place, it had been two weeks since he had come to stay with her and it did not seem like he would be leaving anytime soon. Sharon was fine, with Andy being there, more than fine really she liked him being there. Over the last day however she hadn't let herself think about why he was still there. He had tried to play it off like it was no big deal that was Andy's way. Crack a joke, give her a smile, pretend like his life wasn't in very real danger. Pretend that a blood clot in his carotid artery was no big deal. Then when she moved around the desk to put her arms around him and he had stepped back she felt her heart shatter into a million little pieces, "I'm still healing, so no hugs." He had explained. Sharon knew what those words actually meant were, "Hugging you, holding you, could cause the blood clot in my carotid artery to move and could kill me." So they just stood there trying to uncomfortably laugh off the potential danger because the comfort that they both needed they could not have.

Sharon arrived home to find Rusty and Andy sitting at the table working on something. "Hi," She said softly as she set down her keys and brief case. Both of the men looked up from the notes Rusty had on Slider. They could both tell she had been crying and exchanged glances. Rusty picked up his work and nodded towards Andy.

"Thanks, for your help Lieutenant. I think I'm going to work at the library for a while." Rusty said looking uncomfortably between the two of them. Sharon simply nodded appreciative of his efforts to be understanding.

"What were you too working on?" She asked coming over to the table hesitating a second before placing a hand on his shoulder which he instantly reached and covered with his own pulling her around to the chair next to him.

"He discovered some new information on Slider and asked for my take on it, no big deal." Andy told her with a shrug. He smiled when he saw the tiniest flicker of light in her eyes that things with Rusty were improving. Then an uncomfortable silence fell between them as Sharon looked down at the table unsure of how to tell him about what Jack had done. Andy reached over and tilted her head up with his other hand. "It's ok, Provenza called me, I already know."

Sharon looked up relieved that she didn't have to tell him, "Andy, I'm so sorry." She said as tears began to form in her eyes again.

"Don't apologize for him, you've spent too much of your life doing that. It's not your fault and everyone would have found out eventually anyway." He told her holding onto both of her hands. "How are you?"

Sharon looked at him and sighed, "I'm tired, I'm mad, I'm hurt" she started then she looked at him, "but most of all I'm scared and I really wish you could hold me."

It was Andy's turn to feel his heart into a million pieces, "Me too," he said as he stood up and pulled her up leading her to the couch.

"Andy, we can't" she whispered.

He stopped and moved closer to her tilting her head up once again and placing a soft kiss on her lips, "I know, but we can sit together and I can tell you how I would hold you."

Sharon smiled at him as they settled on opposite ends of the couch Andy's legs stretched out on the ottoman and Sharon's curled up underneath her.

"Well, first I would have convince you that I didn't have anything else in mind, which would only be half true," he started for which he was rewarded with a genuine smile, "Then I would wrap just one arm around you and you would nestle your head against my shoulder just a little and start to tell me about your day. Then as you told me a little more about it you would realize you weren't all on your own anymore and you would start to relax a little more and lean back into me and I would drop that arm around your waist and give you a few kisses on the side of your head. After you told me all about it I would offer to beat Jack up which you would consider for a second before you told me no but we would both laugh about it. Then you would reach for that blanket at the end of the couch and pull it over both of us as I wrapped my arms completely around you. By that point you would be getting sleepy and I would tell that it was ok to go to sleep. You would try and argue at first but you would be too tired so for once I might win." Andy stopped and looked at the sleepy smile playing at her lips as her eyes got heavier. He covered her with a blanket and kissed her again.

"Don't leave "she whispered.

Andy smiled as he picked her hand back up, "I wasn't planning on it." He told her as he kissed her hand and settled back on his spot on the couch.

The End


End file.
